Always The Outsider? Giving Yourself Labels? You’re Not Alone…

Afternoon Lovelies, 

For alot of my life I have struggled with ‘fitting in’, feeling like an outsider. I used to dread being in a new environment feeling like I was stuck in the shadows whilst the ‘in-crowd’ chatted together totally unaware of my presence… bringing me right back to my experiences with ‘fitting in’ at school. I would feel worry and sadness feeling negative thoughts things like I wasn’t good enough. I’m sure many of you can relate to those feelings yourself… so as time went on I gave myself the label of being an outcast.

Growing up with the lessons that life has so far given me I have learnt alot. I have come to a realisation that it’s so easy and quick to give yourself a label of who you think you are and at the time you may think the label that you have given yourself is reasonable but life is ever changing and you are too. When you give yourself a label that you call yourself in your head it is basically attaching yourself to a description of who you think you are. It’s putting yourself in a box to try and define who you are. We don’t just do this to ourselves but we do this to others too sometimes positively, sometimes negatively. The labels and thoughts that we whisper to ourselves can have a big influence and impact on our self-concept and can even dictate our direction of actions and thoughts. 

Looking back in a fresh and non judgemental way the label that I had given myself of feeling like an outcast and always the ‘outsider’ restricted my potential by keeping me confined to that negative label. Because I would find myself in situations where I would feel like the ‘outsider’ and I kept telling myself that I was then I believed it and my actions and thoughts became even more like an ‘outsider’ view. All of this led to me feeling unhappy and frustrated… I would think why can’t I just fit in and be normal? Why don’t people like me or want to get to know me? But looking back most likely my own thoughts caused most of these feelings. Being an ‘outsider’ is the story that I had told myself. 

Like in so many areas of life the one thing we can control is our response to situations. I once heard this amazing quote by Eleanor Roosevelt – “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” This quote opened my eyes to seeing that the only person making me feel like an outsider was me. From my experience these are the lessons that I have learnt along the way and would love to share with you all, in the hope that they may help someone out there who feels the same or similar. I still have a long way to go until I have fully let go of my own labelling (after all it’s not a quick overnight fix but instead a journey) however, with each day that goes by I am making more and more progress. 

  • Reflect – Our belief system tells us that we don’t fit in. We end up replaying our stories from childhood experiences up to the present and now is the time to rewrite our script. Start to notice your patterns of behaviour. For my own feelings I reflected on; What fears was I projecting onto myself? At what times was I assuming that I’d be on my own and the ‘outcast’? Self reflection can give you a much needed different outlook. “Examine the labels you apply to yourself. Every label is a boundary or limit you will not let yourself cross.”
  • Practice Self Acceptance – Remind yourself that it’s OK and totally fine to have a different way of operating in the world. Remember that you are also not alone too as we all feel a little lost and uncomfortable sometimes – you are never the only one. 
  • Connect With The People That Get You – Starting anywhere new can sometimes be daunting and overwhelming but you just need to give it time to find the people that get you. If you feel shy then don’t just charge straight into friendships, it’s totally okay to take your time and figure out if you’re the right fit for eachother. Have faith that you will eventually find the right people for you. 
  • Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone – Each day try and do one thing that takes you out of your comfort zone. (It can be even the smallest of things.) Perhaps try volunteering, it can help you to feel connected and gives a sense of belonging. Even interactions with strangers like a smile when passing by or a pleasant conversation can help you too feel more confident in your other relationships. I personally find that on my dog walks interacting with other dog walkers boosts my own confidence in more social situations and it’s great because both being dog lovers it’s very easy to start up a conversation know that we have something in common already! 

I genuinely hope that my post will help you in whatever similar situation you find yourself in or feeling and always remember that you are NEVER alone!

“Keep no labels for yourself. Recreate yourself daily.”Love, Charlotte

 

 

16 thoughts on “Always The Outsider? Giving Yourself Labels? You’re Not Alone…

  1. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – I really like that one, too. You’ve done well to cover some of your experience because I think there are going to be a lot of people who can relate, myself included. I used to have quite severe social anxiety and you’re right, the labels we give and the self-talk we endure can have a big impact on our self-concept, as can the stories we tell ourselves about what others may be thinking about us, how badly we’re going to handle a situation, and so on. Great suggestions that I think really work, and over time we can start challenging these labels, challenging ourselves and start feeling more comfortable and confident. It took me many years to feel like this but it was worth it, I just wish I had started to feel this way when I was younger so I wouldn’t have missed out on as much.

    Caz xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s great to hear that you have heard of that quote too! Thank you for your wonderful and extremely sweet words Caz it’s refreshing to hear you can relate in some way. Thank you for sharing a part of your own experience too and I totally agree with everything you have written. I missed out “the stories we tell ourselves about what others may be thinking about us” that’s a brilliant point to add. Good to hear you like the suggestions and I couldn’t agree with you more! Lovely to hear that you are feeling more confident and comfortable, I understand wishing to of started feeling that way when younger but like they say “Better late than never.” I appreciate your comment and thank you for taking the time to stop by and read fully.
      Take Care Xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

    That is so true. I loved reading your experience. It’s true, we usually start to believe the narrative that we tell ourselves and that’s why we should “change” the narration at times. A very insightful post. ✨

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Thank you. I’ve always tried to be in the background and try and not be noticed because of things I tell myself, such as that nobody is interested and felt that because people would talk about things I wasn’t interested in meant we had nothing in common and that I shouldn’t engage in conversation with them, when in actual fact I should be trying to get involved more, stop letting the voices in my head get to me, and find out more about people because we are bound to have at least one similar interest if we work together or are studying the same subject. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Many thanks Beth for sharing your own experience and for commenting, it was very interesting to read.
      It’s great that you already recognise and acknowledge the thoughts in your head and are open to involving yourself more. I agree with you there, you definitely will find at least one thing in common I’m sure 😊 Thank you for reading and for taking the time to comment! Xx

      Like

  4. I really like your beautiful blog. A pleasure to come stroll on your pages. A great discovery and a very interesting blog. I will come back to visit you. Do not hesitate to visit my universe. See you soon. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww what fabulously kind words. I appreciate your warmth and sweetness and I’m so pleased to hear that you are enjoying my blog and its content.
      Many thanks for stopping by and for reading my posts. I will of course visit your blog and show support too as you upload stunning photos! Thank you once again and it’s made my day your lovely comment. Have a wonderful weekend Angelilie Xx

      Like

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