I personally think that at some point in all of our lives we will come across somebody who is ‘toxic’. By ‘toxic’ I mean someone who drains your energy, makes you feel overall low and upset and affects your own wellbeing in a negative way… perhaps you can relate to this right now. But don’t despair as I am sharing with you 3 simple techniques that will help you to reclaim your power!
- Be Assertive Without Being Aggressive Or Angry – Quietly but firmly say what you need to say to the other person, if you are challenged then remain focused on the main point that you are making and don’t take part in any unnecessary ‘mud-slinging’ (toxic people may try to mock or belittle you but even if you feel angry or sad it’s important to remember to remain calm.) Don’t accept their judgments of you, always focus on the point that you are making and remember to take your time. Assertiveness is a skill and takes practice so if you need to observe people who are good at it first then that could really help you know where to begin.
- Set Boundaries – Setting boundaries is a great way to be clear about your own limits and once your boundaries are set make sure that you stick to them. When you set boundaries your responsibility is to yourself… a wonderful statement that I once heard which has stuck with me is ‘If you don’t respect your needs, others won’t’ so respecting your own limits is a must! It’s also important to be aware that when people are used to getting their own way they won’t be happy if you suddenly say no. They may become angry with you for standing firm but you need to use the right wording like using a neutral response such as; “I am sorry that you’re feeling angry with me” as it’s different to “I am sorry that I made you angry.” Using the right wording/response is key because you didn’t make them angry, they chose to be angry. So set your limits and how they respond is up to them.
- Be In Charge Of Your Own Choices And Situation – If the toxic person in your life is firing off in every direction you may naturally feel the need to calm or please them but DON’T! Move away from the situation and focus on something that is more productive. Before you move away excuse yourself with an impartial parting comment like “Sorry you feel this way but I’ve got to go, I’m running late.” You have then taken control in that situation, minimised contact and most importantly not engaged in the battle and not allowed yourself to be a victim.
I really hope that you find these simple techniques helpful and useful in some way. If you have anymore suggestions or ideas on ‘How to deal with toxic people’ then feel free to share them in the comments below as I am sure they will be helpful to others who stumble upon this. Like always I would love to hear all of your thoughts and opinions on this post!